Creative words from my love of loves!  I love you Deb!

Love through him, fiercely flows
Seth, a winged shroud
Spanned o'er, and ever flown
This spirit, his Home

The thorns that pierce his crown
A halo, he does not know
He is no one's savior
But his own

And these tragic thoughts unveiled in words I hope never to hear uttered....

Dare I come uninvited when I know I should not.

Dare I tell you how I feel

        Dare I or should I not?

Dare I tell you how much you feel my world

  and sometimes you make me feel like a young silly school girl.

Dare I tell you that I am always waiting for you

  and wonder when you look at me, if you are feeling what I do.

Dare I keep coming when I know we are worlds apart

        You are your own person but you dwell within my heart.

Dare I tease, laugh and smile with all the times we spend.

  Dare I tell you I love you so, and will until my life will end.

Dare I tell you now before my time is ore?

  Dare I tell you and dream of something more?

Dare I tell you I must go away because the pain of wanting,

         needing you is there to stay.

                   For me it is always haunting.

Dare I say "come and go with me"

               to a place where love will reign.

Dare I tell you or let you go

                             before I change my mind again...

Well, it's been a really long time since I've updated here.  I see from the last informative post I was with Telisha and life was great.   Well, life is still great but unfortunately not exactly the way I left it.

Telisha and I parted several months ago.  Less than two months later she married my ex-bowling partner.  I wish them both the best! 

I miss Alex terribly and feel hurt that Telisha would take him completely out of my life because we didn't work out!  Oh well, sometimes life sucks ass!

I currently do not have a public significant other in my life.  I am however, seeing a beautiful woman about once to three times a week.  This situation is rather difficult as I have fallen in love with her.  The difficult part being she is betrothed.  I know, all you judgemental people will be saying, "BAD SETH"!  But I really don't know what happened.  It started as an affair as all these things do.  But I have such a deep and out-of-control love for her, I am willing to play second fiddle to another man.  This is something I became accustomed to with Telisha.  Alex always came first and that's understandable giving the circumstances. 

But now?  Second fiddle to another man.  This is something I would never accept in the past.  NEVER!  And yet, I await our few moments together with anxious mind and aching heart!  I know some may say I am stupid.  Some may even prefer to call me crazy.  But, it is what it is and I just can't help myseth!  I guess I could, but I wouldn't throw the love I feel for her away for the Entire world!  Crazy eh?

My dreamtime recording has been on hold until recently.  I need to redevelop the habit of recording and working with Dreamtime again.  I feel I have made a grand mistake letting that part of my life slip away from me.  I've been so absorbed in waking life I have neglected the most important part of my 'being'!  It's my lover that is waking me up to this.  She also has helped me to realize the importance of clarity and feeling my emotions fully!  I would be remiss if I didn't thank her for this!  THANK YOU BABY!

I recently returned to the fishbowl and am really excited as I noticed Dragonfly and Leslie had commented on my dream.  I am going there next to answer them and hopefully begin to reconnect with my dream family!  Goddess, how I have missed them so!

I have taken up Dirt Bike riding again as well as purchased an Enduro, so I can ride on the road as well.  It's so cool taking shortcuts through the desert while I watch everyone sitting at the intersection traffic lights.  Cool and fun!  Plus I love catching air! I have some video I'll share with you anyone interested enough to pop by and read all this mess. 

I have been into making videos of my family and my adventures with friends and the ORBS.   This is something which has been prevalent of late.  Orbs keep showing up in my photos.  They seem to be everywhere.  It started the first day I got my Kodak Easy Share 300 digital camera.  The first was a picture I took of Dreama's grandchildren wthen they were visiting here in VEGAS!  One was right in front of Gabe's hand.  I'll be posting a link to a new video I'm working on about the ORBs in the near future.

You just gotta love The Cure eh?  I love you Deb!

Let's see, what else.  My nephew is in a program, project challenge, that will help him get his GED and prepare to enter the military.  It is both something which I am so proud of him for and yet scares me with our current situation in IRAQ.  All the more reason I guess to add my voice to the multitudes who are demanding our President get our people out of Iraq.  If those people want to kill each other let them.  Why do our sons and daughters, husbands and wives, neices and nephews, mothers and fathers, have to die in some hellish country where the most the citizens of, would kill you as soon as look at you?  WHY?

Here is a cartoon of another situation we all need to keep aware of as it will mean nuclear waste on our road and railways like sitting ducks for terrorist acts!  Humor is how I deflect my anger as well as try to inform what little of the masses I can reach!

Well, i've updated, vented and shared.  I feel so much better.  Hope you have enjoyed.  Please leave a message if you would like to catch up.  I have a new YIM and new email addy for any of my freinds that would like to catch up or any new friends God/Goddess is nice enough to send my way!

Cheers.

PS:  I promise to update at least once a week as my new BAD SETH program of repenting and dream recording begins anew...LOL

Oh yeah...Almost forgot...Just one of the literally hundreds of Orb pictures I have taken now:

Just received this email from The Dreamtime. 

SOUL URGE 10:

You have an inner desire to be creative, independent and extremely intuitive in this lifetime. Your basic energy is one of high creativity mixed with an intense need to be a leader and to be independent in following a path toward using your power and ambition to help others.You must seek out an environment of complete trust of yourself and others so that you can use your intuitive and creative energies without fear, for this is when they will be most powerful. 

Your intuition is extremely active and powerful in making itself known to you - but you may take some time before fully achieving the level of trust you need in yourself to let it be felt.Remember to seek out practical goals as well and with your partner look for someone who can tolerate the time alone that you may need. You have a dynamic strength to succeed most of all as a leader of others if you remember to share with them you will find that your fulfillment increases considerably - and others will come to respect and admire you for the responsible and sincere person you are, with a strong and powerful sense of personal intuition as well.

You have the inner tools you need to go far in this life-time so you should remember to honor your inner desire for creativity, independence, trust and intuition throughout your life.

The last year has been a real doozy.  As ya'll may have noticed I've been immersed in waking, fleshy life so much my cyberlife has all but died...

I'm hoping 2006 to be the year of reintegrating my dream/cyber/waking lives in a smooth, balanced manner. 

2005 Overview

The last year was ushered in by the most joyous holiday season I have known in many years.  Telisha, Alex, my sister and our respective families were all fortunate to enjoy good times and good company together.  I can't find words for the gratitude I feel for having been so lucky.

Unfortunately 2005 didn't take it's time throwing a curveball to my happiness.  Early in the year my father passed away.  It was a trying time for my sister and I.  We both had a very strained relationship with our father for most of our lives. 

The job has been fine with it's share of happy and tragic moments.  The exit of upper management and arrival of common sense has allowed the staff to relax and enjoy work rather than having one of four different people on their ass about one thing or another.     

T and I have had our share of joy and tears as well.  We reunited just before Christmas after some time apart.  We have both realized mistakes we made during the course of our first year together.  I am hopeful we wil remember the wisdom imparted to us during our separation so we are more successful in our shared future.

Alex is at that point in his life where you can see the boyish features in his face turning into the man's face he will one day possess.  Our break has been tough on him and his attitude towards me demonstrates the pain he has felt.  He masks it in anger but the tears will flow and we will get through this. 

Watching him grow, learn and create this last year has been the highlight of my year.  He's gone from a boy who would follow other kids lead, to a young man who thinks and acts for himself and seems to be willing to lead now instead.

All in all it's been a good year.  

2006 should hold some very interesting events.   Some  thoughts on the number eight...    2+0+0+6=8

From The Dreamtime Numerology page:

Esotericism sees the 8 as symbolizing a resurrection into a higher consciousness, and representing the eternal and spiral motions of cycles. It is this cyclic function of 8 that has come to mean success/failure and give it it's organizational powers. Behind all of this is the fact that 8 is really 4 (earth) doubled and therefore implying that 8 means intense involvement in material matters, money-making, industry and commerce, earthly power and all of 'the things of this world'

Character traits: Ambitious for power, status, money, and success. May lead to great success or sudden failure. Busy with world affairs. Interested in the materialization of their dreams and desires (into the physical world). This person may lead a life of constant effort trying to achieve their success in all matters and therefore avoid responsibility in their private lives.
Negative tendencies: Demands recognition, selfish, chases material wealth, self-centered, thoughtless.

Eternity, infinity, Caduceus symbol, God of trade/commerce
Astrology: Saturn ruler of Capricorn

From numerology guide:

8 - POWER

My Path:

YOUR LIFE PATH AS A 11/2:
Your main life purpose as an essential 11 is to learn to use your intense individualism, independence and creativity as you apply yourself toward your own principles of higher good that will serve others. You were born with the pure energy of a master number: there were no reduced numbers to form the 11 in your life path. This means that you will face many spiritual trials throughout this lifetime. That is good since it will allow you to grow and prosper as you serve others and your primary purpose in this life is one of service to others; however, you must first come to accept your own strong individualism and drive to be a leader. You have a high potential for achievement and it will require you to balance practicality with your idealism which is prominent.

As you grow and learn to reach your goals the desire for you to teach others will become strong. With your pure 11/2 energy your talents of working with and inspiring others from a teaching viewpoint will become strong and unavoidable for you. You will be drawn to educate others for the pure joy of what you accomplish rather then for recognition; even though you will receive it.

Your highly creative mind is so strong that you will find it giving you answers even before you expect it! Learn to trust in your intuition too; it is available for you if you explore your own deep inner feelings.

FOLLOWING THE 11/2 PATH:
You have learned to follow your creativity as you are inspired and self- assured in all that you do. You have a confidence that leads you, and a natural creative talent that inspires you to new heights. Your independence and leadership abilities help you to find your path, and your desire to teach and serve others keep you focused on staying on the path you have chosen: one of individuality, creativity and service throughout this lifetime.

Let's play guess Seth's birthname...Those who know please refrain from playing...thanks!  

Find out what they have to say about your name at Kabalarians.com:

My birthname:

The name of            gives you a very individual, reserved, serious nature. You prefer to be alone with your own thoughts, rather than in the company of others. This name restricts spontaneity in association and the fluency of your verbal expression. When you are required to express yourself in personal matters requiring finesse and diplomacy, you feel awkward and embarrassed. Although you realize perfectly well what is expected of you, you are unable to find the right words, and hence you end up saying something inappropriate in a candid way. You can express your deeper thoughts and feelings best through writing.

While the name            creates the urge to be creative, independent and original, we point out that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a tendency to be moody. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses heart, lungs, bronchial area, and tension or accidents to the head.

The name I am known by:

Your name of      has many sterling qualities but does not give you an overall stability. You do everything with an intensity to the point of fervour, and either you feel tremendous elation or you are in the depths of despair. People often disappoint you because you are idealistic and are apt to place those whom you admire on a pedestal. Then you become disillusioned when they fall short of your expectations. You are quick mentally and like to see things moving at an accelerated pace. Patience is not one of your virtues; you want to move when the impulse strikes you. While such spontaneity is fine at times, you must take account of conditions and employ careful analysis so as to avoid disastrous results such as accidents due to hasty actions. Most things you do, you do well, but as soon as the task, hobby, or job becomes familiar or routine, you are bored and crave a change.

Although the name      creates idealism and the urge to help others, we emphasize that it causes a restless intensity that defies relaxation. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the nervous system, and solar plexus.

And of course...Seth

The name of Seth creates an overly-sensitive nature which causes you to sense and feel far more than you can understand or put into words. You have a deep, artistic, and creative side which shows through a love for music and literature. Writing is a more natural mode of expression for your deeper thoughts and feelings than the spoken word. You have an ability to concentrate and work intently on anything which holds your interest. However, you prefer to avoid routine, monotony, and mental tasks.

Although the name Seth creates an active mind and a restless urge to explore new ideas, we emphasize that it limits self-expression and friendly congeniality with a moody disposition. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the solar plexus, heart, lungs and bronchial area.

                                     Tornadoes

The last segment of dreamtime I am in Florida.  The sky has taken a very ugly turn.  Something straight out of sci-fi novel.  It has blues and blacks and off on the horizon I see a line of tornadoes.  Big nasty suckers that threaten to change the very landscape of the region.  I start to head back to the house I am visiting friends in.  I see an old woman who seems oblivious to the situation.  I grab her up and run into the house.  I tell the other two occupants to go to the strongest part of the house.  We all go into the bathroom and prepare for the impact of the tornadoes.  I remember saying a version of my protection prayer.  I feel the entire house spinning in a very intense way.  I wake up.

                                                                                    Mr. Big Fish

No lucidity last night...All over the place in Dreamtime.  Some emotional cleansing going on right now.  I was rather happy to see the big fish again.  Although it seems I am being made aware that he is not a fish after all, but a man magically transformed.

I see a city that is in the midst of being destroyed on the coast of an ocean.  As I look at the ocean I see my old friend, the primordial looking fish.  He looks like he is in some sort of trouble. 

Segue to many years later.  An archeaologist type guy is digging in the sand a few feet out into the ocean.  He digs up my old friend, Big Fish.  He is still alive but seems to be in some sort of hibernation mode.

Segue to many different strange situations.  Playing baseball.  It's like I am seeing the many experiences of Big Fish in his many different lifetimes.

The rest of Dreamtime seemed to revolve around personal issues. 

Last night was the first night of the M-PLDA's Blue Moon project.  I affirm lucidity and linking with my friends during our current project.  I find it rather odd that I end up dealing with huge emotions everytime we approach our next project.  Go figure?